Big Shuggy and Wee Chic ur staggerin hame efter a night oan the tiles. They've nae money left tae get a taxi an aw the buses are finished. Wee Chic looks up fae the gutter an says 'Hey, look Shug - it...Big Shuggy and Wee Chic ur staggerin hame efter a night oan the tiles. They've nae money left tae get a taxi an aw the buses are finished. Wee Chic looks up fae the gutter an says 'Hey, look Shug - its the bus gairrige'. Shuggy hus a brainwave an says tae Chic, ' Get in ther an steal a bus so we can drive hame an Ah'll stay oot here an keep a look oot fur the polis'.
So Chic breaks intae the gairrige an is awey fur twinty minnites or mair while Shuggy is wunderin whit the hell hes up tae.
Then Shuggy sticks his heid aroon the door an sees Chic runnin aroon fae bus tae bus lookin right wurrit. 'Whit the hell ur ye up tae Chic, get a move oan!', tae which Chic replies, 'Ah canny find a nummer 7 onywhere Shuggy'.
Shuggy hauds his heid in his hauns in disbelief an shouts, ' Ye daft eejit Chic. Steal a nummer 9 an we'll get aff at the roondaboot an walk the rest'
A Guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus on a stool and announces that this is a very talented octopus, which can play any musical instrument in the world.
Everyone laughs at the man...A Guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus on a stool and announces that this is a very talented octopus, which can play any musical instrument in the world.
Everyone laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he'll wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and puts it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Eric Clapton. The guitar man pays up his £50.
Another guy comes up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays like Miles Davis.
This guy pays his £50.
Then a Scotsman hands over a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look.
"Ha," the Scot says. "Can ye no play it?" The Octopus looks at him and says: "Play it? I'm going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get these pyjamas off..."
Three wee jobbies sitting on the pavement.
Which one's a Musketeer?
The dark tan yin. he he he
In the Northern Highlands, an impatient farmer knocked at the door of a neighboring farmhouse. The daughter of the house answered.
" Is your father in ? " asked the neighbor.
" No. " said the daughter. ...In the Northern Highlands, an impatient farmer knocked at the door of a neighboring farmhouse. The daughter of the house answered.
" Is your father in ? " asked the neighbor.
" No. " said the daughter. " He's at the Inverness farmers market. If it's the services of the red Ayrshire bull you want, the cost is $50.00" "
No it's not that" said the neighbor.
" Well. " said the daughter. " If it's the Galloway belted bull you want, it's $40." "
No, it's not that. " said the neighbor.
" How about the small Highland bull." said the daughter.
" The service of that bull is only $30."
The neighbor rudely interrupted the daughter. " That's not what I've come about. Your brother Sandy has made my daughter Fiona pregnant. My wife and I want to know what your father proposes to do about it."
" Oh, well." said the daughter. " You'll have to see my father yourself. I don't know what he charges for Sandy."
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