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The following poem may serve as a "lassies' reply," as well as a rejoinder to Tam o' Shanter. It was contributed, via a circuitous Internet route, by a Burns Night celebrant from Burray, in the Orkney...
The following poem may serve as a "lassies' reply," as well as a rejoinder to Tam o' Shanter. It was contributed, via a circuitous Internet route, by a Burns Night celebrant from Burray, in the Orkney Islands.
Kate O'Shanter
And where do you suppose was Kate When market days were wearin late While Tam frequented wretched dives and fooled aroond wi landlord's wives?
And rode poor Meg through mud and ditches and had an eye for handsome witches
Played peepin Tam at Alloway And yelled and gave himself away And fled from there amid the din And Maggie hardly saved his skin
Kate slaved away the lifelong day They had so many bills to pay The twins just had to have new shoes And Tam he spent so much on booze
She bathed and clothed and fed the twins She baked the bread, she knits and spins She does the wash, she mends the clothes And what all else God only knows!
She keeps the house all neat and trim And makes the lunch for ploughboy Jim A neighbour lad they hire by day Who does Tam's work while Tam's away
She herds the sheep and cattle too Feeds hens, milks cows and when she's through makes cheese and butter and gathers eggs And puts the homebrew in the kegs
For Tam to sell on market day And drink the proceeds half away
At harvest time from early morn Her sickle reaps the oats and corn And many a bonny summer day She and ploughboy Jim - make hay
When Tam got home that night at 4 And Maggie found the stable door Tam stumbled senseless to the floor To sleep it off 8 hours or more
He tossed and turned through hail and rain And through the nightmare ride again Aboot the middle of the day The livestock had a lot to say
The chickens, donkeys, geese, hens and cows Said we want food we want it NOW Tam stirred then from his lowly bed and saw Meg's stump above his head
An awfu thought ran through his brain Oh God - that wisna hail and rain!
Tam struggled slowly tae his feet He wisna clean he wisna neat He scraped aff what he could but when He made his way from but to ben
Tam stood dumbfounded - what the hell For Kate was gone - the twins as well
But Kate had left a note for him "I've sailed to Montreal wi Jim" And we expect to settle soon Out on a farm near Saskatoon!
Forgive me Tam and don't be sore A couldna tak it any more I had tae find a better way Before I'd slaved my youth away
I had tae try and save myself (You'll find the oatmeal on the shelf) Don't fash yourself aboot the twins I might as well confess - they're Jims!!